Again, I wish I knew more about social psychology so there'd be explanations to all the peculiarities of human interaction. For instance, why is it often that the older you get, the more selective you become about who you choose to spend time with. Is it because your identity has gotten stronger, you know what you like and what you don't, what you're interested in and what you aren't. You recognize more easily when you feel like you're wasting time with bullshit you don't care about.
I've noticed that I have always had the following style of interacting when first getting to know people: at first I strive to be as sociable and talkative as possible, to sort of scan the social environment, be approachable to people and talk to as many of them as possible. Then, after a few weeks, the situation is usually this: I have socially drifted apart and then alienated from 4/5 of the people, and am in the process of making a new best friend in one or two people in the group. So many times in a newly established group of work- or classmates, I wind up looking at them after the first few months and remember how I talked to them a lot in the beginning, what happened? The interaction just sort of stops. I always thought it was them, but it may be me, because let's face it, I never was very interested in those people after the beginning. I guess for me it's quality over quantity in these matters. Especially if I find the kind of person I actually want to get to know, I stop bothering with the rest completely.
I might be a tad too picky with people nowadays, I recall how at about the age 10 you could easily make friends with most of your classmates and hang out all the time. Now I'm lucky if there's 2 people in a group of 20 that I would go out of my way to spend time with. Perhaps there's gems in the rest of them as well, but the small talk jungle you have to go through to get to their person is way too exhausting.
Most conversations I have with strangers fall in the 2 following categories: 1) a) other person likes to talk, and talk, and talk, and mainly about themselves b) other person seems at a loss of what to do, doesn't seem interested in me as does not even ask the politeness questions, which is why in order to avoid awkwardness, I ask them questions out of politeness to the point where it feels like I'm an interviewer with my interviewee, and don't personally give a shit about what they're saying. 2) Other person does not talk about themselves at all, asks me questions out of politeness, so it's just one big monologue where I get the feeling that I'm in the receiving end of some type of social charity and the person doesn't really care.
If I try to find a pattern here, most of the people I cannot relate to didn't study, and the people I find stuff to talk about with did. I guess if you choose to educate yourself in a university, it means you are curious about the world and have interest in discussing topics outside the weather and whatever your personal hobby is.
This is not meant to sound elitist, but just a neutral observation. I suppose you choose uni if none of the other alternatives feel completely right for you, ie. you're not sure what "your thing" is, or there might be several things. Having a job in common provides topics for a limited time, sooner or later you're going to have to talk about something else, and here's where the harsh truth is often revealed. I wonder how the other person perceives the conversation where I'm bored out of my mind, while acting interested. Are they bored too, do they detect the lack of social and intellectual chemistry?
To sum it up, I am increasingly only interested in the company of people who are curious about the world. I can find common ground with almost anyone, but unless most of their interests match mine, there's only so much you can say about a really narrow topic.
