Now this is a topic that seems to be all over the place right now, and as I had nothing else to do, I analyzed it a little in my head whilst having my excessive amount of morning coffee. I'm not sure if someone else already said it - most certainly they did - but I didn't read it anywhere.
I think the problem that the friendzoned people have, is that they are too much like the opposite sex. And I'm talking about straight folks here. They often have loads of friends of the opposite sex, they "get" them on a very special level, maybe as a result of growing up in a (fe)male-dominated environment or had loads of (fe)male friends in their childhood. So as for men like these, they make magnificent friends for women; they're emotionally intelligent, sensitive and able to converse. Which covers most of what women want - just not all they want.
Apparently, attraction requires some degree of difference, in order to create that tension, excitement and mystery that is crucial. If the guy is a lot like one's female friends, it's hard to see him in any other light. Same goes for the unfortunate girls who happen to be "good guys", they get friendzoned.
Funny thing is, men and women keep complaining about how the opposite sex consists solely of insensitive, mute jerks, or vain, uptight, irrational hussies. And whenever there's one specimen that doesn't fit the stereotype at all, "sorry but I just see you as a friend". Humans are masochists; or maybe just like the poles of magnets, they need to be the opposites to attract each other. Simple as that. Of course, that's only the beginning: for things to go even relatively smoothly in the long run, there needs to be more in common than there is different. And often there isn't, and ergo the eternal war that so many engage in, voluntarily.
One thing I also wonder is if it's really true that the majority of the friendzone victims are males. This would basically mean that almost any given single straight male will say yes to any of their single straight female friends, should they suggest. Is this true? Are men really that simple and unselective when it comes to choosing a partner, desperate even? It also sounds like their view on women is very one-dimensional as they cannot perceive someone of the female sex to be suitable as just a real friend. If they can't get a date out of it or at least laid, better not bother at all, but to just vanish in all quietness. This actually happens, I have seen it.
As someone who has friendzoned at least one person (that I know of), I can't tell if it's something they do or just something they are. But in case of the former, what I suggest is to try and be moderately assertive, firm and determined handling the situation where you're interested. Babbling and beating around the bush, flirting between the lines is a mistake while trying to avoid the friendzone, because that is effeminate. Being effeminate does not work well on straight females. You don't have to be a brainless, senseless macho, unlike a lot of bitter friendzoned guys complain, just don't be like a girl.
Things are not really that simple, but sometimes generalization is necessary.
// A small specification: someone pointed out that being friendzoned almost without exception means that you're simply in some way unattractive to the other person. That is definitely true. It can be the femininity, or it can be some little thing about the physical appearance. It often is the latter, no matter how much we'd like to tell ourselves we're not superficial like that. Looks may not be the main thing, but sometimes it is the dealbreaker. And then, even an awesome personality will only get you to the friend level where you get stuck. Happens to both sexes.
Now all this made me wonder why this whole thing is treated like some newly found phenomenon, when in fact it's just the good old "you're not my type". because that's what it's about.
No comments:
Post a Comment