Sometimes I wonder if it's actually true, this mythical "Law of Attraction" thing. Meaning, what you want and concentrate on, comes true. There's a logical, rational explanation too, which is that whenever you really want something and believe in it, you tend to do every little thing as if in preparation for it, anticipating it will happen which will in turn modify circumstances so that they're more beneficial for the thing to happen.
So many times when I've been on a job or in a school and then started to think about leaving, the more I think about it, the more everything starts to push me in that direction, sometimes in the most outlandish ways. Perhaps also because all motivation is lost to try even the tiniest bit. I may not even have thought about it that seriously, but once the thought enters my mind, the process has irrevocably started and in the end I will be elsewhere. It has happened every time ever since I was old enough not to be forced to continue anything I didn't want to.
So in order to stop the endless spiral of quitting and moving and starting over and quitting and ... it's just about realizing happiness actually is within yourself and not some specific place outside of yourself. Although it has to be said that sometimes there's simply a fire, that needs to be extinguished and the only way is to go. The problem is discerning when it's a fire that forces you to go and when it's just a stupid itch that you can sit and wait to go away. I think by now I've gotten decent at telling them apart. When you know that that fire's not gonna go off through scratching; or that eliminating the itch with a fire extinguisher is a bit of an overkill.
I've originally written this in May (so it says on Blogger) but it still feels very topical. I have since actually started wondering about what if the things I've been so compulsively after ain't even worth it. Wouldn't be the first time! What if this right here is good enough for now. It might just be. I keep failing to see it because I'm so obsessed with something else, something I don't have, all the time. How do I know it's so good if I never had it?
I'm talking about locations btw.
25.10.12
26.9.12
Bros before hoes - FALSE
I watched a movie the other day that had a scene where the protagonist had to choose between his long-term girlfriend and a friend in a sticky situation. As I was on IMDb reading about the movie, I landed on the discussion boards where there was a thread about what people would have done in the protagonist's situation.
A depressing number of what I assume to be male respondents just blurted out "of course I'd choose the friend, that's a no-brainer". Apparently, girls are cool n' all but they come and go. And this phrasing was way more neutral and less misogynistic than the majority of the replies in the discussion.
I started thinking about this old fact "girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, friendships are forever". Firstly, friendships are not necessarily forever, that is just plain bullshit. I have first-hand experience of that, and not even with childhood friends with whom you regularly do not stay in touch often. Sometimes even with a close friend with whom you make effort to stay in touch, you drift apart. So the "friends are forever" is FALSE as shit.
Also, comparing the two different kinds of relationships (partner vs. friend) is not fair and realistic, because: 1) a romantic relationship, when it's serious and stable, is faaar more prevalent in one's life than a regular friendship 2) as a rule, you can only have one romantic partner at a time. These facts mean that the quality that relationship needs to maintain to survive is much higher than with some random friend. That is a lot of strain on the relationship, any relationship in fact. (To test this, feel free to move in with a good friend and see what happens.)
Also, this is exactly why a regular friendship tends to last longer, on average. Because it's less significant, and the definition for both 'to last' and 'friendship' is very, very broad. The quality and intensity of it might, and dare I claim will, fluctuate over the years. There is going to be phases when you are less close, sometimes even for months or years you hardly even talk. So to say a relationship has lasted for decades is stretching a bit. Of course there are exceptions to this, some people might have friends they have talked to on a daily or at least a weekly basis for 30 years continuously, but those are goddamn rare. You can't really take such breaks from a relationship.
Which is why you need to find someone who is as compatible as possible, and finding someone like that is hard as fuck. When/if you manage, you both need to have similar views about life and the relationship. Mainly regarding monogamy. If even one is not on board with that, it will fail.
So here are some thoughts to that "girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, friendships are forever" crap. For the vast majority that is still true though, but that is closely connected with choosing a wrong partner, for whatever reason. Maybe your standards were too low (the case for most people), maybe one of you changed or was dishonest from the beginning. I have always thought that whole saying sounds somehow wrong, like if you think that way, why the hell do you even get involved with anyone, you're basically dooming the partnership to fail with that awful attitude.
So bottom line is, while the saying might have some truth to it, does it mean a friendship should automatically be prioritized higher? Is some more or less flimsy and flaky connection better than a closer, more intense one automatically more valuable just because on average it tends to last longer? Some may think so, I sure as hell don't.
And about people who regard women as some form of temporary entertainment, they are obviously suffering from a horrible fate that is not having come across enough women to meet smart, funny and interesting ones. Or they did, but were too dumb to appreciate it. Fortunately there are men who don't suffer from this.
A depressing number of what I assume to be male respondents just blurted out "of course I'd choose the friend, that's a no-brainer". Apparently, girls are cool n' all but they come and go. And this phrasing was way more neutral and less misogynistic than the majority of the replies in the discussion.
I started thinking about this old fact "girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, friendships are forever". Firstly, friendships are not necessarily forever, that is just plain bullshit. I have first-hand experience of that, and not even with childhood friends with whom you regularly do not stay in touch often. Sometimes even with a close friend with whom you make effort to stay in touch, you drift apart. So the "friends are forever" is FALSE as shit.
Also, comparing the two different kinds of relationships (partner vs. friend) is not fair and realistic, because: 1) a romantic relationship, when it's serious and stable, is faaar more prevalent in one's life than a regular friendship 2) as a rule, you can only have one romantic partner at a time. These facts mean that the quality that relationship needs to maintain to survive is much higher than with some random friend. That is a lot of strain on the relationship, any relationship in fact. (To test this, feel free to move in with a good friend and see what happens.)
Also, this is exactly why a regular friendship tends to last longer, on average. Because it's less significant, and the definition for both 'to last' and 'friendship' is very, very broad. The quality and intensity of it might, and dare I claim will, fluctuate over the years. There is going to be phases when you are less close, sometimes even for months or years you hardly even talk. So to say a relationship has lasted for decades is stretching a bit. Of course there are exceptions to this, some people might have friends they have talked to on a daily or at least a weekly basis for 30 years continuously, but those are goddamn rare. You can't really take such breaks from a relationship.
Which is why you need to find someone who is as compatible as possible, and finding someone like that is hard as fuck. When/if you manage, you both need to have similar views about life and the relationship. Mainly regarding monogamy. If even one is not on board with that, it will fail.
So here are some thoughts to that "girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, friendships are forever" crap. For the vast majority that is still true though, but that is closely connected with choosing a wrong partner, for whatever reason. Maybe your standards were too low (the case for most people), maybe one of you changed or was dishonest from the beginning. I have always thought that whole saying sounds somehow wrong, like if you think that way, why the hell do you even get involved with anyone, you're basically dooming the partnership to fail with that awful attitude.
So bottom line is, while the saying might have some truth to it, does it mean a friendship should automatically be prioritized higher? Is some more or less flimsy and flaky connection better than a closer, more intense one automatically more valuable just because on average it tends to last longer? Some may think so, I sure as hell don't.
And about people who regard women as some form of temporary entertainment, they are obviously suffering from a horrible fate that is not having come across enough women to meet smart, funny and interesting ones. Or they did, but were too dumb to appreciate it. Fortunately there are men who don't suffer from this.
7.8.12
Therapy session
I do wonder just how difficult I'm capable of making things for myself. The language thing has not really progressed at fucking all during all this time, and it's getting embarrassing and more stressful for me than actually taking the bull by the horns and doing something about it (and I've said this before too, only about 46 times).
But now I have actually grown uneasy about it, realizing that if I don't do anything about it soon, I will regret it, and that is just the truth.
Problem is, I'm too fond of my comfort zones, and I'm phenomenal at doing stuff when I practically have no choice, not so great at doing stuff that is outside of my comfort zone when I am not necessitated to take action. My comfort zone has shrunk so much it is not even funny anymore.
There's no way I can not get a job in the near future. There is no way I will get a job unless I get my act together regarding the language. I can, again, just say this, or I can finally tell the bf he'll speak Norwegian in simple matters from now on (not complicated, because it will reduce the level and quality of conversation too much for now).
Stepping outside comfort zones is an intriguing thing for me. Inside the comfort zone it's sort of nice and fluffy but also there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head making me feel guilty all the time. Then there's the stepping out of comfort zone and first moments there, that are potentially frightening, but they have without exception led to triumphant feelings in the past. So, not rocket science, this. The nagging's driving me nuts, slowly but surely.
I have had comfort zone borders to cross with languages at least twice before, which has happened with great success both times. The problem will go away by doing, not by sticking my head in the bushes and hoping it will disappear on its own. Also, who gives a damn if I have a crappy accent, I will anyway so what's the big deal. I'm focusing way too much on the obstacle and not what's on the other side. Also, this stress is getting worse than the obstacle ever was.
But now I have actually grown uneasy about it, realizing that if I don't do anything about it soon, I will regret it, and that is just the truth.
Problem is, I'm too fond of my comfort zones, and I'm phenomenal at doing stuff when I practically have no choice, not so great at doing stuff that is outside of my comfort zone when I am not necessitated to take action. My comfort zone has shrunk so much it is not even funny anymore.
There's no way I can not get a job in the near future. There is no way I will get a job unless I get my act together regarding the language. I can, again, just say this, or I can finally tell the bf he'll speak Norwegian in simple matters from now on (not complicated, because it will reduce the level and quality of conversation too much for now).
Stepping outside comfort zones is an intriguing thing for me. Inside the comfort zone it's sort of nice and fluffy but also there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head making me feel guilty all the time. Then there's the stepping out of comfort zone and first moments there, that are potentially frightening, but they have without exception led to triumphant feelings in the past. So, not rocket science, this. The nagging's driving me nuts, slowly but surely.
I have had comfort zone borders to cross with languages at least twice before, which has happened with great success both times. The problem will go away by doing, not by sticking my head in the bushes and hoping it will disappear on its own. Also, who gives a damn if I have a crappy accent, I will anyway so what's the big deal. I'm focusing way too much on the obstacle and not what's on the other side. Also, this stress is getting worse than the obstacle ever was.
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